Say Don't Go
by hhwgv
Summary: Cas has always been insecure of his relationship with Dean. He never knew where he stood, and he doesn't trust him. On their one-year anniversary, Dean pulled the last straw. Cas needs to leave and get his mind together before he decides whether or not being in the relationship is the best thing for him. Sam and Cas are best friends from college. AU


***Author's Note: This was inspired by the songs **_**Say Something **_**by A Great Big World and **_**Don't Go **_**by the Latency.**

Cas couldn't believe that Dean was flirting with their waiter right in front of him. They were supposed to be celebrating their first anniversary, but Dean had spent most of the time checking out the waiter. He wanted to make a scene, he wanted to slap Dean, or throw water in his face like people did in movies, but instead he sat silent, giving his boyfriend a disapproving stare that went unnoticed. Although they'd been together for a year, Cas was still insecure about his relationship with Dean. He always felt like Dean was too good for him, like Dean was only with him because he hadn't found anyone better. But he should be used to this by now. Dean was always flirting with other people around Cas, it was like he didn't exist.

They met through Sam, Cas' best friend and Dean's brother. It was at a bon fire, Cas still remembered the way the flickering light of the fire lit up Dean's face and the sparkle in Dean's eyes when he looked at him. Dean had the same sparkle in his eyes tonight, but it wasn't directed at Cas.

Cas felt like his heart was breaking. He was just so tired. Tired of watching Dean, tired of feeling inferior, tired of being in a relationship where he felt unneeded. He spent most of the drive back to the apartment staring out the window. He knew that he wouldn't be able to talk to Dean without crying or yelling, so he just stayed quiet.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Dean asked when they got home. Cas resented the tone of his voice, it was like he was saying _ugh, here we go again_ or _what's your problem __**this **__time?_

"Us, Dean," he answered softly. "I think that _we _are wrong."

"Wait, what? Why?" Dean demanded.

"Do you really not notice?" Cas replied. "All you _ever_ do when we go out is flirt with other people."

"I don't do that!" Dean objected.

"Yes, you do," Cas argued. "Every time we go somewhere, you are always distracted by other people. I'm tired of feeling like this, Dean."

"Feeling like what?" Dean snapped.

"I'm tired of feeling jealous every time we go out. Tired of feeling like I'm constantly your second choice. Tired of feeling ignored and alone, even when I'm with the person who's supposed to love me," Cas could feel the tears building in his eyes. "Every day, I worry that you're going to find someone else and leave me. I don't want to constantly be worried anymore. I can't do it. It's exhausting." He mumbled as the tears started to roll down his face.

"Baby…"

"Do _not _call me baby," Cas interrupted. "I don't want to hear whatever you have to say, anyway. It won't make a difference. I'm setting you free… I can't be with someone that's constantly looking at other people." He angrily threw some clothes and his toothbrush in a bag. "Goodbye, Dean."

Cas closed the door behind him. It hurt to leave Dean and hurt to be with him. No matter what he did, he lost. And now that he'd made his choice, he didn't have a place to go. The only friend he had that lived in the city was Sam, and he wasn't sure Sam would want to take him in. He needed someone though. He tentatively dialled Sam's phone number and started walking in the direction of his house. Sam answered on the second right. "Hey, Sam," Cas sniffled, "would I be able to come over?"

"Definitely. What's wrong?" Sam replied.

"It'd be easier to tell you in person…" he hesitated before asking, "Can you come pick me up? I'm at the café on the corner of 3rd and Broadway."

"I can be there in about ten minutes," Sam offered.

"Thanks, Sam," Cas murmured into the phone.

"No problem, Cas," Sam said before he hung up. Cas could hear a twinge of sadness in his voice and wondered if Dean had text Sam about what happened.

Cas ducked into the café and put his bag down in a booth before going up to the counter to order a latte. Sam always knew exactly how to help Cas when he was sad, or going through something. Cas sat back down in his booth with his coffee and stared out the window. In his heart, he knew he had done the right thing, but there was still a part of him that loved Dean. There was a part of him who still wanted to snuggle up against him while they watched bad reality shows and listen to him humming classic rock until he fell asleep.

The little bell on the door jingled and Cas snapped out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Sam had walked in. Sam slipped into the booth across from him. "Do you want to sit here and talk or do you want to talk in private?" Sam asked, eyes full of concern. "It really is up to you, but I have a feeling it'd be better to go back to my place." Cas nodded and Sam grabbed his bag off the table. "Let's go then," he said gently.

The ride to Sam's place was a quiet one, Sam knew that Cas would talk when he was ready. Sam led Cas inside and brought his bag to the spare room. "You can sleep in here. Feel free to stay as long as you want. I'll be in the kitchen when you want to talk," Sam told him, rubbing his back lightly as he left the room.

Cas smiled and shook his head. He knew exactly what Sam was going to do. When they were in college together, Sam always baked chocolate chip cookies when someone was sad. He didn't know how the man did it, but he always made the best desserts Cas had ever tasted. Cas checked his phone, ignoring the many texts and voicemails from Dean, deleting them before he heard what Dean had to say. He put the phone on its charger and went to the kitchen to talk to Sam.

"Hey," he said quietly and sat down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar, across from where Sam was carefully measuring spoonfuls of dough onto a baking sheet.

"Hey," Sam responded, pulling open the drawer at his waist. He took out a spoon and handed it to Cas. "Here you go. Have some cookie dough," he pushed the near-empty mixing bowl towards his friend.

Cas happily obliged and took a spoonful of dough. "I broke up with Dean…" he mumbled once he'd swallowed. He looked down at his hands, "and I'm not sure if it was the right thing or if it was a mistake."

"Well, why did you break up with him?" Sam pried as the timer on the oven went off, he took one cookie sheet out and put the last one in. "What happened?"

"I'm so insecure when it comes to him. I'm always scared that he's going to cheat on me or leave me, he's always flirting and checking out other people, and he does it in front of me. I deserve to be with someone I can trust, don't I?" Cas asked, voice breaking.

Sam came around the counter to sit next to Cas. "Everyone deserves to be with someone they can trust. Dean needs to earn your trust, and he doesn't think about that nearly as much as he should. What has he done when you've brought it up before?"

"He always just gets defensive. He says that he doesn't do it and he says he wouldn't cheat on me, but every time we're at a restaurant and the server leaves their number, he puts the receipt in his pocket. I'm tired of putting my everything into a relationship and not even being able to trust him. It's not that I don't love him anymore, because I do, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one that's trying… I don't know, I think I just need some space for a bit, clear my head, figure out if being with him is what's best for me," Cas babbled.

"Well, like I said, you can stay here for as long as you want. Take all the time you need to figure stuff out. I'll make sure that Dean doesn't come over," Sam assured him. "I'm sure he's called and text you about a million times by now, do you want me to tell him that you need space to figure things out and you'll contact him when you're ready?"

"Would you?" Cas pleaded. "If I heard his voice right now, it wouldn't be hard for him to convince me to come back."

"Definitely," Sam said as the oven timer went off again. "I'll call Dean in the morning, is that alright? I have a big case tomorrow morning and need some sleep."

"Sorry," Cas apologized. "I didn't mean to keep you up, Mr. Lawyer. I'll just have to turn my phone off for the night."

"Oh don't apologize, Cassie," Sam smiled, "That's what friends are for. Feel free to stay up as late as you want, watch some tv, whatever you want. The wi-fi password is written on the bottom of the router in my office. Eat as many cookies as you can. There's a spare key in the bowl by the door, so if you need to go and do anything tomorrow before I get home, you can use that."

"Thanks, Sam," Cas said, a faint smile on his face. "It means a lot to me." He gave the taller man a hug.

"Seriously though, eat a lot of cookies," Sam responded as he walked towards his bedroom. "Goodnight, Cas."

"Night," Cas replied.

/

Dean was going crazy. It had been almost two weeks since Cas left him. He wanted to text Cas, to call him and tell him everything he was feeling, but he promised Sam he wouldn't. He had to resist the urge to march over to Sam's house and tell Cas everything he felt. How he was sorry, how he couldn't imagine his life without Cas, but he kept his promise.

Over the past two weeks, Dean had done a lot of thinking. He thought back on their relationship and realized that Cas had been right all along. Dean hadn't given him any reasons to trust him, and as much as he wanted to deny it, he did flirt with other people in front of Cas. He knew he was going to have to change if he wanted to be with Cas, he just didn't know how he was going to prove he'd changed.

Dean was wracking his brain trying to think of a way to prove he'd changed when his phone started to ring. He ran to pick it up and looked at the caller ID. "Cas," Dean breathed when he picked up the phone.

"Dean, I need to talk to you. Come to Sam's house tonight at 7," Cas replied coolly.

"Okay, I'll be there," Dean agreed. Cas hung up the phone without saying goodbye, which worried him a little bit.

What if he lost Cas for good? He took Cas for granted, he saw that now. He'd just assumed that Cas would always be there. He saw a future with Cas, saw them getting married and adopting a little rugrat. He'd known the moment he saw that picture of Sam and Cas on Facebook that he was going to fall for him. He'd begged Sam to introduce them, and now he'd gone and messed it all up.

Dean watched the clock all day, waiting for it to be close enough to 7 that he could go to his brother's house. He left at 6:30, even though it was only a 10 minute drive. He drove around Sam's block a few times. He was nervous and awkward. Finally, he pulled in to Sam's driveway. Time to get this over with.

He knocked gingerly on the door. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this nervous. Sam answered and motioned for him to come inside. "Cas asked me to moderate," Sam informed him while he took of his coat and shoes. "Just so you know. You can wait in the living room, I'll go get Cas."

Dean took a seat on Sam's couch and took a look around. It wasn't hard to be jealous of his younger brother. He had a nice house, a good job, enough money to buy expensive things. It made Dean wish he had tried harder in school and went to college. Growing up, his little brother had always looked up to him. It made Dean try harder, to be a role model, but somewhere along the lines he'd stopped. Sam still looked up to him, but there was no reason anymore. Dean always thought that he should be the one looking up to Sam now.

When they came into the room, Cas didn't even look at Dean. He could feel the knot in his stomach getting tighter. He needed Cas to forgive him.

"Dean. I've been doing a lot of thinking these past weeks," Cas started.

"I have too, Cas, and I…" Dean interrupted.

"Let me finish," Cas stopped him. "I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks, about what's best for me and what I need in my life. I'm sorry, Dean, but trust is a really big issue for me. I can't trust you and I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone I can't trust. You didn't put any effort into our relationship, I felt like I was the only one that was trying. It was exhausting and I deserve better."

"No, Cas, wait. I can change. I've changed. I'm not the same anymore, give me one more chance, let me show you," Dean begged.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I've already given you too many chances. I made excuses for you the entire time we were together," Cas replied evenly.

"No, please. Please, you're the one for me. You're all I've ever wanted, and I took you for granted, I know that, but I need you. I've been waiting for your call since the day you left, and I don't want to be without you. Please, come home. Come home because I miss you so much, and it's just not home without you," Dean pleaded, tears brimming his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I still love you, but I need to be able to trust you. Prove to me that I can trust you as a friend, and I'll consider getting back together, but as for right now, I just can't," Cas looked away. He hated seeing Dean cry, but he had to stay strong. He had to think of what's best for him. "I think you should leave."

"Okay," Dean mumbled. "I'm sorry."

Sam walked back to the door with Dean. "Hey, man, I'm really sorry. I didn't even know what he was going to say."

"What do I do, Sammy?" Dean asked. "He's the one, I know it."

"Well then you have to prove it," Sam answered. "Prove to Cas that he can trust you as a friend and maybe he'll take you back."

"Where's he gonna go, anyway? Is he gonna find an apartment?" Dean wondered.

"He's… uh, he's actually just going to rent my spare bedroom," Sam shuffled awkwardly.

"He was your friend first. And you're always the best friend to have around," Dean put on a fake smile and pat his brother on the back. "See you later." He walked to his car and broke down. He'd hoped it wouldn't go this way. It wasn't supposed to end like this. It was supposed to end with a kiss and Cas moving back home. It was supposed to have a happy ending.


End file.
